And so the plot thickens

Adelle and I were talking last night before C’s debut in Project Runway. She was asking how I was and I told her that I really needed to declutter. Get rid of all the baggages of the past to make room for new ones.

The past has really been making its presence felt lately. A bit too much, actually. There’s the ex who suddenly buzzed me at YM to talk about something that happened between us two years ago. And then there’s that other failed relationship, which I thought naman has already reached its closure. And just last week, this guy I used to like waaay back in college (think first day of school) has been telling me to show up already in one of our reunion dinners.

I can’t help but feel that the past is trying to tell me something. I know I might be blowing things out of proportion (I tend to do that when I overanalyze–maybe it’s the analyst in me) but what I am sure of is that I really have to sort out my life. Before I go into something like commitment again.

And I like ***. I don’t know, is this a test too? He’s not the most vocal or expressive person in the world and I really don’t know why I think about him all the time when he’s clearly dedma about me and this isn’t really something I have absolute control of–quite the opposite even, which is really frustrating. You’d rather not think about someone but you can’t help it, you just do. Hay.

Anyway. Bottom line is this–I have no clue, no friggin clue at all, about what will happen next. As in nada. And that scares the hell out of me. I have no idea what to do.

Hay. I’ll deal with things as they come nalang.

Whatever.

Minding my own business

Maybe that’s the problem. MINDing my own business. I’m psychoanalyzing everything so much that it all gets blown out of proportion. How the hell am I supposed to savor now when my head is full of clutter about the past and things I want to happen in the future? It’s draining me, seriously. I know what I need to do–I’m promoting “awareness” for crying out loud. I have to FOCUS.

Have to.

Everything boils down to responsibility.

Awareness + Responsibility = No more excuses for defunct relationships.

Wahaha okay enough. I don’t like bad, angst-driven posts. I have to get back to work anyway.

Speaking of work, my schedule is crazy. I don’t know how and when I will be able to squeeze in my Ilocos trip this August. It’s an important part of my goal for LEAP 37–I have a travel goal of going on solo trips to at least 2 destinations. I’ve never had the guts to do that before and I think now’s the perfect time to do that. Especially with all the clutter in my head. Haha.

I want to disappear for a couple of days. From Thursday Night to Monday Morning. I’m thinking either I go next weekend OR the weekend after the 2nd intensive. Hmmm. We’ll see!

Something is happening

A lot happened the past weekend.

LEAP started and I find myself coaching people who are waaay older than me. Haha my current council is, I think, the exact opposite of the one I had during LEAP 36. It’s a stretch, I have to admit. Especially because of the fact that they mirror the older women in my family. READ: Mom and my grandmother.

But as Benjie told us, it’s not really about who’s better than who or who is more accomplished than who; in the end, it’s really all about love. Building relationships. And I feel that is something I’m actually quite good at. So I guess that is exactly what I will do. Love love love. When it comes to love, I know I am more than capable. (Naks)

Anyway. I’m back at work with every inch of my body aching. We did quite a lot of dancing the past weekend and my body’s only starting to get used to it again. This team differs so much from the last–the last was diesel–steady lang. This one’s so high energy.

Kilig factor: We hung out! I don’t know, I really don’t know what to do about it. So I’ve decided to just go with the flow and see what will happen next. I don’t want to let my expectations get in the way of me enjoying every moment. So there. I have this silly grin on my face and I’m beginning to feel like a dork.  And I can’t believe it. M and A knows!!! Am I that transparent???

Happy Birthday to my not-so-little brother!

He looks Chinese like my grandfather. Haha. Woke him up today with a very loud phone call. Love you Jan Jan! Mwah.

morning walk

I found an alternate route going to work! I really resist walking along Pasong Tamo. I don’t usually like riding jeeps but I’m forced to every time I get off the bus at Pasong Tamo because not only is my office still eons away, the sights going there aren’t really that appealing either. And I don’t know if it’s just me but it’s just so hot walking there. By the time I get to the office, I want to go home and take another shower.

So today I decided to get off the bus at Ayala Avenue. Went straight to Rufino and voila. It turns out it’s faster getting to my office that way. And I get to enjoy my morning walk too. Which I badly need lately because last night, while looking at myself in the mirror, I saw how my tummy’s making its presence felt again. Hahaha. Sorry for the visual.

Anyway, there. I loved today’s walk. I stopped by Krispy Kreme to buy coffee. I’m getting coffee there regularly. Their venti brewed coffee costs only P60 compared to Starbucks’ P100. And it’s brewed coffee. Not instant coffee like the one they sell at the Shell convenience store near my building. It’s loaded with sugar and I think that’s one of the main culprits behind my growing tyan.

So here’s to Krispy Kreme coffee and morning walks along Rufino and Legaspi!

Tomorrow’s the first intensive of LEAP 37. Bye bye free time! Haha

Oooh my sister was top of her class in her culinary arts school. Woot! Smart genes run in the family. Wahaha!

Beauty and Love

Those two sections are the only ones I have yet to come up section titles for. Haha misleading, huh?

I’m home early tonight! Yes, 8PM is early. That’s like the equivalent of 5PM for me. Lately the earliest I’ve gone home is at 11pm. Hectic work? Not really, it’s all because of coaching. But I don’t mind. I think I’ve gotten used to the idea already. Haha.

I have this friend who can see spirit guides. He has his third eye open and he said, back when my last coaching stint ended, that I ought to keep with the 30-day rule (Long story, take LEAP). And, well, time’s almost up. And I’m scared because I just reaaaaally like this guy and I honestly do not know if he even notices I exist. Well I’m sure he does but beyond my mere existence, ewan ko na.

I think I’ll just keep my fingers crossed. Waaaah. Should I even be writing about this here? Hay. I will just trust.

I don’t want to think about it yet. I’ll just finish this Murakami book I’m reading.

Dance, dance, dance. As long as the music plays.

Lovely read.

Spa Weekend

The whole weekend, much as I originally planned on spending it finishing pending stuff for work, ended up being a weekend of much-needed R&R.

I was so stressed the entire week. And I was driving myself insane with thinking about deadlines that I couldn’t even concentrate on the tasks at hand. Well, work piled up one on top of the other that I ended up being tension personified. I was like the Before Model for Stress Tabs. And I was beating myself up because I knew I wouldn’t be that stressed if I had started my assignments on time. But oh well, it happened already so I ought to just let it all go.

And that is exactly what I did last weekend. I just let it all go.

Saturday started off tense. I had to go to work for a meeting–our EIC couldn’t make it so I had to represent our department. It lasted around an hour but it gave me a headache anyway. Attempted to make the stress go away by eating a cup of McDo’s Hot Fudge Sundae. It worked for a bit but I knew I just had to do something to ease the tension still.

And then Zeph texted asking if I wanted to hang out. I was going to pass but I realized that, shit I reaaaaaaaaaaally need to relax, so I agreed and insisted we watch Dark Knight, which was just intense. Heath Ledger could win an Oscar in that performance. We met up with Ali after the movie and I let myself pig out at Pancake House. The day started looking up.

Actually it was already early into the evening then. Hehe. Anyway, we had to go to the 30th day reunion of the latest ALC team and I had pre-coaching session after. It ended around 11pm because the team LOVED their raffles–they had 4 draws. Seriously, everybody got to take home something. After pre-coaching, I didn’t want to go home yet so I decided to go with the guys to Gabby’s despedida party. She’s leaving for New York next weekend. And I am so glad I went because I got to hang out with Team 36 again. Almost everyone was there. Including the person I wanted to see the most. Haha

I think I went home around 3am.

I planned on working Sunday but Pinky and Trish decided to give me a treat and I love them even more now for it. We went to Corinthian Spa and spent around 7 hours there! Haha it was the best afternoon ever. It was all the way in Libis but it was well worth the travel. We had the works. Jacuzzi, pool, foot massage with movie, and the best Body Massage ever. All the knots in my back are gone now.

Sigh. I love it.

We were going to join the guys at Dencio’s in ABS CBN but they left for Pao’s house in QC (we finished around 9pm already) so we decided to just eat dinner at Greenhills instead. To say that we pigged out is an understatement.

Sigh.

Best weekend ever. I feel more inspired to write now. I even left the house at 6am and am actually in the nearest Starbucks at work. Finishing my food article on Chinatown. I’m making good headway. Thank God.

And I so needed to do this before the 1st intensive this weekend. Leap’s about to begin and I bet this one’ll turn out to be more interesting than the last. Am I ready for the ride? Haha parang commercial!

Just taking a little breather

Gawd I’ve been working the whole friggin day. I am so not used to it anymore. I suddenly miss the times Leah and I would do our “rounds” in Pacific Star during our fifteen-minute breaks. They usually extend to more than the actual time. Haha.

She told me she saw HIM today. Hmph. Sana masunog na orange jacket nya!

Hahaha. I kid.

I’m craving ice cream. Gad I really need to diet. I’ve been eating like a pregnant lady lately. Hay.

Closure is overrated

It is! It is!

Hahaha. My sister and I were talking about our exes last night and we both agreed on one thing–we don’t believe in closure. It doesn’t exist. I dunno. I guess maybe it’s because of what we went through with almost all our relationships. I mean, me, I know that the moment I see one of my exes (at least the ones who really made an impact on me–okay, right now, the most recent one), I’d still be affected.

Hmmm. Wait, what if I’m already married? Would I still be affected by what happened between me and a guy I had a relationship with during the crazier years of my life? Hmmm. Maybe closure from ALL my past relationships will only come when I finally find THE Guy for me.

Sigh. I’m rambling here.

Thing is, maybe I just don’t know what closure is because I haven’t found it yet. At least, not with the last guy I was seeing. I thought I did but now I’m not so sure. Or maybe I’m just overanalyzing things again. Oh well, we’ll see in the next couple of days. I think I just got windang over our last conversation.

Is this what Wes was talking about? I’ll be windang and in a bad space when I see *blank* some time August?

Talking in riddles here.

Anyway, gotta get back to work. Articles to finish.

Remember I’ve been complaining about not seeing enough movies? Well, I finally addressed that. I saw 4 movies yesterday. 3 from Cinemalaya for an article and Mamma Mia (looooove it!) for fun. Of course, I could totally relate to Donna’s feelings for Sam. Gaaad everywhere I go, every song I listen to, it just hits a nerve. Somebody up there’s toying with me. Waaaah.

And, hello again drama. haha

’til the next melodramatic post!

Am I really going through this again?

Argh. At first I felt relieved he told me. Now I’m not so sure. Damn it I already moved on!!! And now he drops this bomb on me and I’m feeling really vulnerable again. Ugh.

Sucks!

I hate being this angsty. It gets in the way of everything. I can’t even finish writing a stupid food story. Ok, it’s not stupid. It’s actually pretty interesting. I’m just in a really stupid mood. Arrrgh.

Okay change topic.

On to brighter, er, stuff. I’m done with clearance for the old job. I won’t have to see he-who-we-shall-not-even-bother-to-name ever again! Well, I might have to when I get my separation pay but he is officially non-existent. Wheee! Hahaha I am in a mean mood. I think I’ll go out and enjoy it for a bit. Mwahaha.

Kidding.

Oh well. Might as well distract myself with work. Have a great day!